26 July 2010

Weird Day at the Pool

It was an uncomfortable 40 degrees on Sunday so we went to the pool with a few friends to cool off. Or had intended to cool off.

The pool was only 1 meter deep so it was a little less lame than being in a wading pool. It wouldn't have been too bad if it were cold, but since Nagoya has been so hot for 5 weeks the water was lukewarm. It was like sitting in a luke warm bath. It would have been an entirely worthless experience had we not been with friends with whom we could complain about the warm water.

After soaking in the giant bathtub we got out to lay on the side of the pool to read/tan/talk. About ten minutes later a bell rang and everyone got out of the pool. Some men got up to stretch so we figured that the bell ended the child swim and started the adult swim. But this guy was just prepping for the stretching routine that everyone was about to do.

Some weird music started playing and then everyone stood up and started stretching in sync. From the 4 year olds up to the 80 year olds everyone knew what actions to do and when. It was eerie how coordinated everyone was. The 5 of us sat in awe, no doubt making fools of ourselves by starting at everyone - but we couldn't look away.

This is the stretch routine they were doing if you want to check it out. Having seen the whole thing in person I didn't watch the entire video since nothing compares to watching it live.

22 July 2010

"My name is Dragon!"

Sometimes Japanese people take English names to use at the schools we work at because it's easier for the Native teachers to pronounce them than to pronounce Japanese names. I think this is ridiculous - your name is your name and you shouldn't change it because some people who come to your country to work have a hard time pronouncing it. But this is a choice a grown person makes so I've never said anything to anyone other than Aimee.

This past weekend I worked at a kids summer party at one of my schools. Basically my job was to play games with each of the groups of 20 or so kids who rotated around the different game centres in the building. The last group of the day was the largest and also the most disturbing. My conversation with the first kid who came in illustrates this:

Mike: "Hello! What's your name?"
Kid: "My name is Dragon!"

At first I thought this was cute. The kid wanted to be a dragon so he called himself Dragon. I asked the next kid:

Mike: "What's your name?"
Kid: "My name is Bear."

Ok, maybe this kid likes bears? At this point most of the kids had come into the room and I started looking at their "My name is ____" name tags and was thoroughly disturbed. Here are some of the highlights:

  • A group of 5 or 6 boys came in and they were all named after colours. I had a Blue, Green, Red, Yellow and Orange.
  • Dispersed throughout the group were common animals. I had a Dog, Cat, Mouse, Snake and Bear.
  • The worst was the group of girls named Chocolate, Cinnamon and Candy. They had no idea that if they lived in North America they would be destined to become strippers.

Wanting your kids to learn another language is a good thing. Languages are useful and anyone who can speak more than one language has a huge leg-up in life - especially if that language is English. However, it is ridiculous to go so far as to give your children English names thinking that this helps the process. It is especially ridiculous when those names aren't even names! If the group were any larger they would have had to start giving the kids numbers as names.

Maybe I'm making a light situation into something it's not but wouldn't renaming your child make them feel like their real name isn't good enough or is worthless in another country? When I was learning Japanese at university my Japanese friends gave me a Japanese name (it's Masato and it means "elegant and graceful person," which I am). They would call me Masato when they helped me with my Japanese or when I helped them with their English but I never thought about changing my name. My name is part of my identity.

I don't think that changing part of a child's identity is a good thing. If I were one of those children I immediately would have questioned why I needed to have an English name just to go to an English party. Children are already easily confused as it is. Why would a parent willingly add to that confusion?

11 July 2010

The Japanese Shaved My Earlobes

I had my first straight-razor shave this week and it was quite an experience. I went to my usual barber and got my usual haircut. The last time I was there he asked if I wanted a shave but I declined citing a lack of cash (even though Japan is a cash-based society I carry little cash). I told him I would try one next time though because I had not had a straight-razor shave before.

So, it's 6 weeks later and I'm laying back in my chair with my beard lathered. And my... forehead lathered? This is kind of odd, I thought to myself. I didn't think the fine blonde hairs on my forehead warranted much attention but the barber was the one with the razor so I kept my mouth shut. I also thought that if I tried to speak my forehead would krinkle and I would have part of it sliced into. He must have also thought I was developing hairy ears since, after leaving my forehead smooth and unscathed, he immediately shaved my earlobes and the outside of my ears.

Throughout the whole experience I never once thought about asking for an explanation or asking him to stop. Remember, I'm the guy who let Japanese men feel him up so getting a shave is a walk in the park. I thought the forehead shaving was a little odd but having my earlobes and outer ear shaved actually felt kind of cool. You know that feeling you get when someone kisses your ears? The "this is cool but it wouldn't be cool if they stuck their tongue in my ear" feeling? Having your ears shaved is kind of similar. It's cool unless the barber slips and lops a chunk of your ear off.

While I was impressed with the thoroughness of the shave, it was less smooth than I thought it would be. I think the barber thought so too - when he finished he stood up, wiped his brow and said "Muzukashii," which means difficult. I guess he wasn't used to shaving thick North American beards.

01 July 2010

No shirt, no shoes... get arrested?

In one of my kids classes a couple of weeks ago my kids asked me what I wore in Canada (they only ever see me in suit pants, a collared shirt and a tie). I told them that in the summer I wear shorts and a t-shirt, but if it's hot I just wear shorts. They lost their minds. They told me that kind of thing would get you thrown in jail here. I assumed they thought I meant I go to restaurants and stores without a shirt and just laughed their comments off as a lost in translation kind of thing.

A few days later Aimee and I were stretching after one of our runs in the park I took my shirt off to cool down and went about my stretching. This caused some curious and outright scandalized stares from passers- and runners-by. Thinking there may actually be something to this topless nonsense my kids were talking about, and not wanting to further scandalize anyone, I put my sweaty shirt back on.

The next day I asked one of my near-fluent adult students what the big deal was with taking my shirt off. He smiled and told me that if a policeman had seen me he would have come over and told me to put my shirt back on. I thought he was kidding but he assured me that it was illegal for men to walk around without a shirt on. I was stunned.

Let me tell you about some of the things I've seen in Japan that are far more scandalous than me running with my shirt off:
  • a homeless man at the train station masturbating while staring at one of my American friends (I didn't actually see this but it came up one night while a bunch of us were out. I found this absolutely hilarious and chastised her relentlessly for not taking a photo of the guy. Brief aside: the situation reminded me of that episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where the homeless guy masturbating in the alley stares at Dee.)
  • more skirts-that-are-short-enough-to-be-panties than you'd see at a Victoria's Secret runway show
  • Japanese men looking at magazine porn while riding the subway
  • Japanese men looking at manga porn while riding the subway
  • Japanese men looking at internet porn on their phones while riding the subway
  • Japanese men looking at porn videos on their iPods while riding the subway
I run three times a week in 35+ degree weather with a humidity level that is as close to 100% as is possible before it starts to rain. I don't want to masturbate at the train station. I don't want to wear a really short skirt. I don't want to look at any kind of porn on the subway. I want to run with my shirt off!